


Connections

by orphan_account



Series: Enchanted Worlds [13]
Category: Princess Tutu
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 22:20:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A former student of Chrestomanci’s returns to the castle to celebrate her engagement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Connections

Ahiru daydreamed.

She was supposed to be focusing on the assignment in front of her, but her concentration was in tatters. It had been all day, ever since she’d woken up from a particularly terrifying nightmare. She’d tried to keep her attention on her lessons and it had worked a little from time to time, but never for very long. So now she was finally giving up and giving in, and turning to the only method she knew would help lift her mood: banishing the bad thoughts by filling her mind with the most pleasant ones she could think of. At this moment that entailed, as it had for the past few weeks, picturing herself and Fakir kissing. She had to try and hold in her giggles as she spun her scenarios, lest he or Rue or Mr. Katz notice, but on the upside at least her tactic was working to cheer her up, if not get her work done.

“Miss Ahiru.”

Ahiru responded only with a tiny sigh. She heard her name being called, but in her dreamy haze was imagining that Fakir said it, his voice and eyes full of warmth and affection. He touched her cheek, and leaned down to rest his forehead against hers.

“Miss Ahiru.”

Ahiru smiled to herself, and in her daydream Fakir was smiling too. He kissed her cheek, very close to her mouth, as she had done to him on Twelfth Night three weeks ago. His other hand squeezed hers, and then he leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

“MISS AHIRU!”

Something slammed onto her desk, all too abruptly jolting Ahiru out of her reverie. “Quaaaaaa - ?!” She reared back in her seat, her eyes wide with terror as she saw that it was Mr. Katz’ hands that had landed on her desk, sending her paper flying off, and his expression was somehow even scarier than her nightmare had been. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Fakir staring over at her, his own concentration disrupted, and she was sure Rue was too. She gulped. “U-um, is – is something wrong?” she asked, her voice squeaking slightly.

“Something wrong?” His mustache twitched. “Ah, I believe I should be asking _you_ that question. Is something the matter that you cannot seem to focus on your work? Would you like to share whatever is on your mind with the rest of the class?”

“I – n-no, no-nothing’s wr-wrong, I – I just, I – I…” Ahiru frantically shook her head, her heart racing and her stomach churning at the idea of admitting to her thoughts about Fakir in front of him. “I – I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I just…”

“No need to apologize, Miss Ahiru.” To her shock, his expression softened and he whirled around and began to pace in front of them a little. “I understand completely.”

Ahiru stared. “You – you do?”

“Indeed.” Mr. Katz stroked his mustache. “With what is going on tonight, it is only natural that you should lose your focus on your assignments and have your thoughts turn to – to _that_.” His eyes gleamed. “Yes! You are, after all, at the age when young people begin to entertain dreams of marriage, that finest of institutions, that most sacred of traditions, so it would be more surprising to me if you had _not_ daydreamed of it before now. And with such a reminder of it occurring tonight, the celebration of a couple about to be united in sacred union, it is all the more understandable! Who could blame you for becoming fixed upon it in your thoughts? Certainly not I!” He seemed to be breathing rather heavily by now, and paused for a moment to calm down. “Ah… but I digress.” His gaze traveled over the three of them. “Class is dismissed. Have your lunch and then prepare yourselves as necessary for the glorious festivities tonight.”

He exited the classroom in a hurry, his movements reminiscent of a cat on the prowl. The three sat there in stunned silence for a moment before following him out and moving to the playroom table, where lunch was already waiting for them.

“That was lucky.” Rue was the first to break the silence. “Trust _him_ to assume _that_ … good thing he’s so single-minded, even more so now that he actually has a girlfriend.” She laughed. “Just what _were_ you off in dreamland about, Ahiru? It must’ve been something good.”

“Oh! Um, it, um, um, it wasn’t… it wasn’t anything in particular, not really!” Ahiru reached for the pitcher of lemonade to fill her glass, and her shaky hands caused some excess to splash onto the tablecloth. “I was just, um, uh… trying to – to think of anything, a-anything at all so I was thinking of lots of different things and not really any one thing in particular and so I don’t remember it all, it’s kind of a blur, you know? Hahaha…”

“Anything but your assignment?” Rue cast an amused look over her own glass. “Did you really find it that boring? You usually work so hard in class.”

“Well, uh, it – it wasn’t that, I just…” Ahiru stared down at her food. “It – it wasn’t helping me get my mind off – off stuff, so – so I just kinda… started letting my mind wander to nice thoughts to try and help.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. They just didn’t need to know the specifics of where she’d sent her mind wandering. She was trying to keep this stupid crush a secret, not announce it to the person it was on. She shuddered a little. She didn’t want to imagine how Fakir would react if she let him know that she thought about him like that.

“What kind of stuff?” Fakir asked, not able to keep the concern out of his voice as he looked over at her. “Is something bothering you?”

“No – I mean – um – well – it – it’s not a big deal.” Ahiru shook her head. “I – I had another nightmare about – about my uncle a-and the orphanage too last night so it was kinda bothering me but it’ll go away, you know? So – so don’t worry!”

As if it was that easy. “Hmph.” Fakir shrugged. “At least the party tonight should be a good distraction.”

“Oh, indeed!” Rue said, nodding enthusiastically. “Are you excited, Ahiru? I know I am.”

“Um, sorta.” Ahiru gulped. “I’m kinda nervous too, I don’t want to embarrass myself…” She poked at her lunch. “So, um, this Raetsel, she used to live here too, right?”

“Only during the week.” Rue took a sip of her lemonade. “She lost her parents like we did, but had godparents to care for her, so she stayed here during the week and went home on the weekends. She actually used to stay in your room, did I tell you that already? I can’t remember.”

“Yeah, you told me.” Ahiru nodded. “I think.”

“Oh well.” Rue shrugged. “Anyway, it’ll be good to see her again… it’s been years.”

“She’s going to work for Chrestomanci now, right?” Ahiru guessed. “I remember you said that.”

Rue shook her head. “She’s been working for her all this time, it’s just that her work took her to other worlds a lot, so she hasn’t been in ours much. From what I gathered, she’s going to be based now in Derkholm and come by the castle on a regular basis, though she’ll likely still make occasional trips to a different world or Series for her job. She works with plants, you see, and she’s been collecting them from all over the Related Worlds for the past few years. There’s a storehouse of hers on the grounds, not far from Charon’s forge, where we’re not allowed to go. I’m surprised you haven’t had to pull Uzura away from it yet.” She chuckled.

“Y-yeah… me too…” Ahiru frowned. “S-so, when people are done being trained here, they – they leave? And don’t come back for years?”

“Well, it depends on what kind of job they get.” Rue speared a roasted vegetable with a fork. “Some people stay and work in the castle, others find employment elsewhere, or their particular jobs require them to do a lot of travel, at least for a while. Personally, I’m hoping to find a position that will allow me to do that, I’m eager to see other parts of the Related Worlds.” She let out a little sigh. “I’ll be asking Raetsel all about her travels when she gets here, that’s for certain. But don’t worry,” she added, “I’ll still have time to help you do your hair, like I promised!”

“Oh, I – I wasn’t worried about that.” Ahiru shook her head a little, and stole a glance at Fakir, who was busy finishing his food. “I – I know you wouldn’t break your promise.”

It hadn’t occurred to her before now to really think about what was going to happen when they all finished their studies of magic; she knew she herself was going to stay here, she had to, but in all the stress and worry over how good a Chrestomanci she would eventually be she hadn’t spared a thought to what Fakir and Rue would do. They were older than she was, and would be done sooner. How soon? And where would they go? Would they leave and not come back for ages? The thought of Rue traveling all around the Related Worlds a lot made her feel a bit wistful but happy for her friend, but thinking of Fakir leaving for years and years without a visit made her feel sick and scared and sad for reasons she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

The thought haunted her all through the rest of lunch and made it difficult to eat, as her stomach was roiling with a faint nausea. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Fakir beside her, eating his own food, and though she wanted to steal glances at him she didn’t dare for fear that he’d detect that something was wrong. Ahiru’s lower lip trembled as she stared down at her plate. Had she really started taking it for granted that she’d see him every day, share all her meals with him like this? She must have. What an awful thing to do, particularly now that it was clear their time together was much more limited than she’d previously thought. For all she knew, this might be the last year he was at the castle for his studies, and then he’d be leaving, off to who knew where for who knew how long. Could she really bear to go years without seeing him? It felt like too much to ask of her. She wasn’t entirely sure why the idea so pained her, she just knew that it did.

“Is everything all right, Ahiru?” Rue asked as they got up from the table and headed out. “You barely touched your food.”

“O-oh, um, you know…” Ahiru fumbled around for an excuse that would sound believable. “I – I’m just so excited and all about tonight, and kinda nervous, cause I’ve never been to a big party before and what if people think I’m weird and not a good successor and…”

“You’ll be fine, I’m sure.” Rue patted her shoulder. “And the focus won’t be on you, if that makes you feel any better. You don’t have to worry about being in the spotlight or anything.”

“That’s true…” It was the least of her worries at the moment, however; someone else’s engagement party seemed like so small a thing compared to the bigger problem of when Fakir was going to leave the castle and where he’d be going and for how long.

When they got to the entrance hall, Chrestomanci was speaking with a lovely young woman with long brown hair and a warm smile on her face. “Hans will be here before too long, I hope,” she was saying. “He had to stay behind to sort out something with the house – why it can’t be done on Monday, I don’t know, but that’s how he is – he prefers to get things settled as soon as possible.” She laughed, and then her smile broadened as she caught sight of the three of them. “Oh! Rue, Fakir! It’s been so long, how lovely to see you!”

“It’s been _ages_!” Rue rushed over to her, and the two embraced. “I want to hear all about your travels when you’ve got the chance.”

“Of course, of course!” Raetsel squeezed her hand. “I’ve so much to tell you, the things I’ve seen… oh, but look at you, Fakir!” She hurried forward to hug him and kiss him on the cheek. “You’ve grown so much since I was last here, you’re taller than I am now! And probably going to get even taller, I’m sure.” She smiled up at him. “And how handsome you’ve gotten! You must be very popular with the girls in Gold Crown.”

“I don’t know.” Fakir folded his arms, feeling his face grow hot. “I don’t… spend time with anyone from there.”

“You don’t have a girlfriend then? Oh, what a waste!” Raetsel laughed. “But then, I was going to introduce you to some lovely girls at the party tonight anyway. Hans’ cousin and younger sister are about the right age for you, and so pretty and nice and intelligent, I’m sure you’ll hit it off with them. And then maybe we’ll have a party like this for you in a few years, eh?” She winked. “At the very least, it’ll provide you with a date to bring to the wedding.”

Fakir’s insides squirmed, as did Ahiru’s. “Raetsel, I don’t –”

“Oh, but who’s this?” she interrupted, having spied Ahiru hanging back behind the other two. “A new student? Where do you commute from?”

“She lives here as my ward,” Chrestomanci said. “Raetsel, this is Ahiru. She’s going to take over my office when I retire. Ahiru, this is Raetsel, a former student of mine.”

“Oh, you found the next Chrestomanci? How exciting! And how cute you are!” Raetsel cooed as she walked over to Ahiru and took her hand. “It’s lovely to meet you, Ahiru! How are you enjoying the castle?”

“I, uh…” Ahiru blinked several times. “I – I like it a lot, it’s so nice here a-and everyone is great, and… oh! It’s nice to meet you too, I’m sorry! I should’ve said that already, I’m sorry!”

“Relax, relax.” She laughed. “It’s fine. It’s good to hear you’re adjusting well. I’m sure Rue’s been a great friend to you, and I’m equally sure you’ve had to put up with a lot from Fakir.” She laughed again, and this time something about it set Ahiru’s teeth on edge. “He can be such a grouch at times, I’m afraid.”

“A-actually, he’s – we’re – we’re really good friends, and – and he’s helped me a lot since I came here, he’s been really nice to me!” Her voice rose a little, and she cringed. “I – I’m sorry, I don’t mean to yell, I just… Fakir’s been really great to me, and…”

“Has he, now?” Raetsel’s eyebrows rose. “Then he’s really changed in the past few years. Good. That’ll make it easier for him to get along with the girls tonight.”

Ahiru wavered, uncertain of what to say to that, while Fakir silently wished to evaporate on the spot and be spared any more embarrassment in front of Ahiru, as well as for a way to avoid Raetsel’s matchmaking attempts. Relief came just in time, in a very small and welcome package. “Who’s this zura?” Uzura tugged on her mother’s skirt.

“This is Raetsel,” Chrestomanci answered. “She used to study magic at the castle years ago.”

“Uzura? Is this Uzura?” Raetsel’s face lit up. “Oh goodness! Uzura, you won’t remember me, but I remember you! Goodness, you were just a baby when I left the castle!”

“And you’re back now zura?” Uzura looked up at her. “Are you going to live at the castle zura?”

“Oh no, I’m afraid not.” She laughed and shook her head. “My fiancé Hans recently inherited a house in Derkholm, and we’re going to live there as soon as we’re married and the renovations are done. We’ll be staying in the castle tonight, but then we’re going back to his parents’ house.”

“We do have plenty of guest rooms, you know,” Chrestomanci reminded her. “You two could easily stay here during the renovations. I can’t offer you your old room back, of course, but you would be more than welcome to stay in another.”

“I know, and I appreciate the offer.” Raetsel took her hands and squeezed them. “And we would have accepted, but it’s more convenient to be in town while the work is going on – makes it easier to oversee. And Hans has to get his offices set up as well if he’s going to be working in town, so there’s that too. It’ll be lovely staying here tonight, though.” She turned back to Uzura. “You’ll see more of me soon enough, Uzura – I won’t be living here, but I’ll be coming here during the day most days, as I work for your mother. I hope we can get to know each other better!”

“That sounds fun zura.” Uzura nodded. She paused, and thought about something. “So you’re lovey-dovey zura?”

“Huh? Oh – yes.” Raetsel smiled. “Very much so! We’re going to be getting married in a few months, and your mother is holding a party tonight to celebrate our engagement.”

“Ooooohhh.” Uzura’s eyes widened. “Can I come zura?”

“I’m afraid not,” Chrestomanci said. “It’s going to go on past your bedtime, Uzura.”

“No _fair_ zura!” She stomped her little foot. “I never get to have any fun zura!”

“Oh dear, I’m sorry, Uzura.” Raetsel frowned sympathetically. “How about this – you can be the flower girl in my wedding and come to that. Does that sound nice?”

“Yes, but… I wanna go to the party tonight too zura…” She seemed on the verge of frustrated tears.

“Well, there’s nothing I can do about that, but I do have some time before I have to finish getting ready… so why don’t you show me around the castle, Uzura?” She smiled brightly at her. “I bet you know all the good places that even I never found or I’ve forgotten about, so you can give me the grand tour! Nobody else would be as good at it, I don’t think.”

“I… I guess so zura.” Uzura sniffled, but she was perking up already at the praise.

“Good! It’s a plan!” Raetsel seized her hand, and began to walk off with her. “Now then, where do you want to go first?”

“The kitchen zura!”

“Another tantrum averted for now,” Chrestomanci said in a low voice. “Thank goodness, I rather think I could not have dealt with that on top of everything else.” She rubbed her temples. “Why don’t you three run along and get ready? I still have to see that everything is in order for tonight.”

“Good idea,” Rue agreed. “It’s going to take a while to do Ahiru’s hair, so we should get a head start on it all now.”

They headed back the way they came, each one silent and lost in their own thoughts. Fakir was the first to speak, as they reached the top of the stairs. “Go ahead and say something, Rue.” He sounded both irritable and weary. “We all know you want to. Get it over with.”

“Huh?” Rue stared blankly at him. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Hmph. Don’t play dumb, idiot.” Fakir folded his arms and glared at her. “You expect me to believe you have nothing to say about Raetsel’s matchmaking attempts?”

“Oh… that… I…” Rue frowned. “No, actually, I wasn’t going to say anything… that’s your business to deal with. I don’t know how you can get out of it, sorry.”

“You – what?” Fakir’s brows drew together in confusion. “What are you – no, never mind. I don’t care that much.”

“You’re not going to try to get out of them?” Ahiru asked timidly.

“No – I mean – that’s not – I just…” Fakir exhaled sharply. “I just thought Rue would have some kind of smartass remark to make about it. But if she doesn’t want to, I’m not going to complain.”

“If you give me time, maybe, but I’m drawing a blank right now.” Rue shrugged. In truth, she didn’t feel right teasing him about that, especially not now. That seemed cruel to poor Ahiru, who was clearly nursing a crush on him. “Sorry.”

“It’s – ugh. Just forget I brought it up.” Fakir pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation and shook his head, sighing. “When does the damn party end, anyway?”

“Can’t remember.” Rue shrugged again. “I’m sure you can come up with an excuse to leave early, though, especially as it’s really probably more for adults. You’ll be expected to do _some_ socializing, however. And Raetsel will probably want you to dance with those girls, so wear comfortable shoes. I know I will be.”

Fakir groaned, the sound lost as Ahiru spoke up. “You – you two can dance?” She looked back and forth between them in awe.

“A little bit.” Rue smiled. “We had a few years of ballet and basic dance lessons before you came to the castle, and still practice from time to time. Have you ever danced?”

“N-no.” Ahiru shook her head. “I – I’d probably be terrible at it, I’m not coordinated at all and I’m so clumsy…”

“Mmmm.” Rue eyed her critically. “If we have time, I’ll go over some steps with you when we’re all ready.”

“I – n-no, you don’t have to go to all that trouble!” Ahiru shook her head, her eyes wide. “Really, I’ll be bad at it anyway, so…”

“It’s no trouble at all, and how do you know you’ll be bad at it before you try? Silly.” Rue laughed. “Now, come on, let’s go wash up and then get dressed, and I’ll help you with your hair.”

They all parted ways when they got to the hallway where their bedrooms were. Ahiru had mixed feelings about that. She knew she needed to wash up before the party, and part of her wanted to be alone for a while to think, but at the same time another part of her wanted someone else around to distract her from all the things troubling her right now. That seemed unlikely to come from any quarter, however, so she tried to resign herself to it and use the time alone to hopefully sort herself out a bit before she had to face Rue as they got ready.

All she could think about as she sank into the tub was what Raetsel had said to Fakir about trying to set him up with girls at the party. He hadn’t seemed interested at all, but that could very well change once he actually met them. She looked down at herself, at her reflection in the water, and her shoulders slumped. He’d certainly be more interested in them than he’d ever be in her, to be sure. No matter what anyone else said to her and despite that she’d grown a little more confident lately, she still saw herself as being plain and not particularly pretty. And to top it off she was loud and clumsy and awkward and inelegant, without any eloquence to her words or grace to her movements. He’d want someone quieter and more refined, wouldn’t he? Someone who didn’t stumble over their own feet and everything they said, with all the qualities she lacked. No, she’d never be Fakir’s type, and she needed to come to terms with that if she ever wanted to get past her hopeless crush on him. Maybe it was good that she’d have to see him dancing and talking and laughing with other girls tonight – maybe that would be the jolt she needed so she could stop feeling this way about him. Or at least _start_ to stop. It’d be painful, but it could be a necessary pain. If she was going to have to deal with him leaving too, it’d be better to make her feelings go away sooner rather than later, which would hopefully make his absence from her daily life slightly easier to take.

“I can do this,” Ahiru whispered. “It’ll be okay. It’ll all go away, and…” She trailed off in horror as some tears fell into the bath. “Oh! Oh no, oooh, no, no, I can’t – !” She wiped frantically at her face and swallowed several times past the lump in her throat. If she looked like she’d been crying, Rue would ask questions, and she’d have to answer them, and she didn’t even really know how without sounding foolish and… it’d be a disaster.

She hurried and finished washing, and dried herself off, and rushed to the mirror to make sure it wasn’t obvious that she’d cried a little. Her eyes were a bit red, but she supposed it wasn’t that noticeable if you weren’t really looking, and Rue would be focused on her hair anyway, and would apply a little make-up afterwards, and by that time the redness would be all gone so it would be okay. She brushed her teeth and then dashed back into her room and pulled out the dress she’d be wearing that night. It was a simple but beautiful white dress, with a long, wide, flowy skirt, delicate golden embroidery in a flower pattern on the bodice, and sheer, frilly little sleeves that left her shoulders and most of her arms bare. Not the warmest of dresses to wear in the winter, but the snow had melted and it was now chilly and cloudy most days, and she’d be indoors anyway, so it didn’t matter.

She practically flew down the hall with the rest of her things clutched in her hands and knocked on Rue’s door. “Rue? Is it okay to come in?”

“Of course! The door’s unlocked, go right ahead.”

Ahiru turned the knob and pushed the door open. Rue was going through her jewelry box and already had on her own dress, a lovely confection of red silk and black lace. “Oh, Rue! You look so pretty!”

“Thank you.” Rue blushed. “I’m not done yet, though, I’ll get to my own hair after we sort out yours. And oh, so do you, that dress really suits you! You’ll be turning heads for sure at the party.”

 _Not the one I want, though_ , Ahiru thought sadly. “I – I don’t know about that, unless they stare at me cause I trip and fall or something.”

“No, I think they’ll be in awe of Chrestomanci’s pretty young successor. Now come on, sit down over here.” Rue directed her to sit down at her vanity table. “Once we get you all ready, you’ll look even better.”

Anything had to be an improvement on what she was seeing in the mirror now. She sighed. “A-are you going to put make-up on me?”

“A little bit, just to draw attention to those lovely eyes you’ve got.” Rue undid the tie around the end of Ahiru’s hair and started to unbraid it. “Why?”

“Well, um…” Ahiru fidgeted a little. “Could you – could you hide my freckles, do you think?”

“What?” Rue’s fingers stilled for a minute in her shock. “Okay, first of all, don’t fidget like that when I’m actually putting your hair up, because that’ll take longer when I have to keep fixing things. Second of all, why would you want to hide those?”

“Cause they, um…” She gulped. “All the older ladies and other girls told me they were blemishes that were ruining my face and I shouldn’t be outside so much and now I see what they mean, they make me ugly…”

“Ahiru, they do no such thing.” Rue sighed. “And they’re not blemishes, the people who told you that don’t know what they’re talking about. What they _do_ is make your face unique. And they’re cute. _You’re_ cute. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, okay? Even if that person is you.” She frowned. “Where’s this coming from all of a sudden, anyway? I know you’ve never been the most confident, but, well, you seemed to be feeling better lately… did something happen to make you feel bad about yourself again?”

“Well, um, no, not really, I just…”

“Not really.” Rue sighed again. “That means something did happen. You can tell me about it, Ahiru.”

“No, nothing happened, really.” Ahiru shook her head. “I just, um… kinda started feeling bad again and I don’t really know why, I don’t think anything really happened to make me feel like that, I just… sorry.” She hung her head a little. “I – I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Relax. It’s fine. You don’t need to apologize.” Rue squeezed her shoulder. “I know what you’re trying to say, sometimes that kind of thing just sneaks up on you without any rhyme or reason and there’s nothing you can do but ride it out and wait and try to remember the things you like about yourself. It’ll be fine. Just hang in there.”

“Y-yeah, I guess…” Ahiru couldn’t bring herself to meet Rue’s eyes in the mirror. She was lying to her, and it felt horrible. But she didn’t really know how to say that she felt ugly and shabby because she knew Fakir was going to be introduced to pretty girls by someone who hadn’t even made the mistake of thinking that Fakir might like her or be with her. That would’ve been embarrassing if it’d happened, and undoubtedly hurtful because Fakir would’ve denied it, but it somehow still bothered her that the possibility hadn’t even crossed Raetsel’s mind. She already knew she was unsuited for Fakir, but that just drove the point home further.

“Trust me, I know.” Rue began to carefully comb Ahiru’s hair. “Anyway, let’s talk about something else to get your mind off this silliness. What did you think of Raetsel?”

“I, um… she seems nice…” Ahiru twisted her hands in her lap a little. “I guess…”

Rue frowned again. “What’s wrong? Does she make you uncomfortable?”

“Well, um… k-kinda?” Ahiru swallowed. “S-sorry…”

Rue shook her head. “You don’t have to apologize to me. And really, I understand – you wouldn’t know it because you’ve only been around her a few minutes, but she has a habit of laughing off a lot of things, making jokes of stuff. It can be fun when the conversation is lighthearted, but it’s annoying when she’s trying to slither out of something more serious or doesn’t want to take something seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very fond of her, but that can get on my nerves sometimes.”

“Y-yeah, I can see that. A-and I didn’t really like what she said about Fakir.” Ahiru stared down at her feet. To be fair, it was true that he hadn’t been all that welcoming to her at first, but then he’d started opening up and now… now he was her best friend and she cared about him _so much_. She remembered that the night they first met she’d hoped he wouldn’t be attending classes with her, and now here she was worrying herself sick about the possibility of him being away from the castle for years and years without any visits. How much things had changed! And she understood why he’d been the way he was at first; did Raetsel? How much did she really know about him? It seemed like she should know enough to get it, if she’d known him that long, but if that were the case why make such comments? It rubbed her the wrong way.

“Yes. Well…” Rue hesitated. It was on the tip of her tongue to mention that she’d noticed how protective Ahiru was of Fakir, but she couldn’t think of a way to do it that wouldn’t ruffle her feathers. “I can see how that’d bother you, but I assure you, they were close back then, and if I remember correctly they’re distantly related, so she was just teasing him, only not in the kindest way, not that I have any room to talk,” she added. “And you also have to understand, she’s been away a long time and is going off memories from years ago… I mean, she said it herself, Uzura was just a baby when she left. People change in that amount of time.”

“Has Fakir really changed that much?”

“Everyone does. I have. We’re growing up, after all.” Rue shrugged and gathered Ahiru’s hair together to begin to style it. “Especially lately he’s changed a bit; I think you’ve been a good influence on him.”

“I – n-no, not really, I – I – I haven’t done anything.” Ahiru’s eyes were wide and she could feel heat spreading across her face. She started to shake her head, but remembered in time that Rue would scold her for it. “Really!”

“I think you have, and remember, I have the perspective of someone who’s known him since before you came to the castle.” Rue smiled at her. “You’ve definitely softened him up. I mean, he’s still _Fakir_ , but… I can see a difference. You’ve been good for him, I think.”

“I – I don’t think I could’ve done that much, I’m not that important or special, but – but I’ll take your word for it.” She was not going to cry now. She couldn’t.

“There’s where you’re wrong again.” Rue shook her head. “You’re very special and important, especially to us. You’ve been such a good friend to us both, don’t argue with me on that, and don’t doubt its importance. I –” She broke off. “Oh no, are you crying? I’m sorry.”

“N-no, I – I mean – I’m trying not to, just…” Ahiru sniffled. “I don’t know. Sorry…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Rue said in a soothing tone. “I understand. After the places you used to live, you’re probably so used to doubting your own importance that hearing good things can have that effect on you. It even has that effect on me sometimes, and I’ve had it easier than you. So don’t feel like you have to apologize for getting a little teary.”

“But, but – it’ll affect how I look tonight…” Ahiru wiped at her eyes. “I’m so _stupid_ …”

“Shhh, no you’re not.” She shook her head again. “It’s fine, really. Just dry your eyes and wait, it’ll all be gone by the time we’ve got your makeup on and we head down to the party. Try not to stress about it.”

“O-okay…”

They fell into silence then, Ahiru sinking into her unhappy thoughts while Rue worked on her hair. For her part Rue could tell that there was something deeper bothering her, or at least that was what it seemed like; but she couldn’t figure out what could be the cause and she didn’t feel quite right prying into it. It just wasn’t the time. So she concentrated on making Ahiru’s hair look pretty in hopes that it would cheer her up even a little.

“All right, I’m done, but don’t look yet,” Rue said. “I still have to put this on.” She carefully picked up the hair ornament Ahiru had brought in with her and began to arrange it on her head. It was the one she’d bought at the Feast of Fools festival in town, and tonight seemed like the perfect occasion to wear it. “All right, now look,” she said once she’d gotten it perfect, with the little jewel resting on Ahiru’s forehead. “I hope you like what I’ve done.”

“Oh… oh wow, Rue…” Ahiru couldn’t help but gape at her reflection a little. She hadn’t been able to get her cowlick to behave, but the rest of her hair was in a neat and beautiful braided bun at the back of her head, and the chain she’d bought sparkled prettily in the light, the golden color complementing her bright hair perfectly. “You did such a good job…”

“Thank you, I’m glad you like it.” Rue smiled. “Now, for your make-up. It’s waterproof, so you _could_ cry some more if you wanted to… but I’d really rather see you happy and I’m sure you’d rather _be_ happy, so try to cheer up.”

“Y-yeah!” Ahiru smiled back at her. It wasn’t one hundred percent, but seeing what Rue had done with her hair did bolster her spirits a bit. “Wh-what are you going to do?”

“Well, close your eyes first so I can put a little shadow on them.” Ahiru obeyed, and Rue opened up a container of eye shadow and began to apply it. “It’s a nice sparkly gold, but I’ll be careful not to overdo it. And some mascara too, just a touch, to play up your eyelashes. They’re already nice and long, but this’ll draw attention to them more so people notice.”

“S-some girls said they were freakishly long,” Ahiru said quietly.

Rue let out an indelicate snort. “Shows what they know. I bet they’re jealous of them now if they weren’t before – who knows, that was likely what motivated such comments. You have really beautiful eyes, Ahiru, don’t forget that.” She finished dusting her eyelids with the golden powder, and nodded to herself as she studied her work. “All right, open your eyes so I can put the mascara on.”

“Okay.”

“And hold still. No squirming!” Rue ordered her as she saw her start to shift around. “I don’t want to accidentally poke you in the eye.” Ahiru immediately calmed her movements, and sat completely still as Rue applied the mascara. “All right. And now…” She eyed her face. “Perhaps just a little pink lipstick. You’ve got enough color in your cheeks that you don’t really need blush. And again, those cute freckles shouldn’t be covered up.”

“Okay…” Ahiru waited while Rue put the lipstick on her, not daring to move or argue. Only when Rue let go of her and said it was okay did she turn and look in the mirror. She gaped again a little – she still looked like herself, but… well, a bit different. Not drastically, and she doubted she wanted to do this every day, but still – she liked the effect, and told Rue so.

“I’m glad.” Rue smiled. “You’re free now, so you can do whatever you want while I fix myself up.”

“Oh! Right!” Ahiru bounded up out of the chair and moved aside so Rue could sit down. “U-um, do you mind if I go back to my room? I – I kinda want to read something to – to try and relax…”

“Of course not.” Rue picked up her hair brush and began to brush her hair out. “I’ll come get you if I finish in time so that I can show you a little bit of how to dance; if not, I’ll see you at the party.”

“Okay. Thank you for helping me!”

“Any time.”

Ahiru headed back to her room. She paused in front of Fakir’s door for a moment, wondering what he was doing and what he’d be wearing, before moving on with a sigh. Whatever it was, he was sure to look handsome in it, as he always did, and she’d have to try not to react too obviously to him.

She found her book and opened it up as she sat on her bed, but couldn’t concentrate on it. Thoughts and worries – about Fakir leaving, about having to see him be introduced to possible girlfriends for him, about having to see him bring a date to the wedding in a few months, to say nothing of seeing him actually go out with someone on a regular basis – kept intruding and she found herself reading the same passages several times without really comprehending them. Time ticked on but Rue never showed up, and so finally she marked her place again and closed the book, and decided to just head down on her own.

Fakir was halfway down the hall as she opened her door, and he turned at the sound. The distance between them prevented her from hearing him gasp as he caught sight of her and from seeing his stunned expression. It also gave him enough time to recover and assume a more neutral look, though he struggled to maintain it. She was already beautiful as it was, but in that dress, with her hair up like that, she was even more so. How could he possibly be interested in anyone else when his heart already belonged to Ahiru? He knew Raetsel meant well, and was sure the girls she had in mind for him were nice enough and well-suited for someone else, but Ahiru was the only one he wanted.

“Ah! Fakir!” Ahiru’s heart fluttered as she hurried to catch up with him. As she’d expected, he looked devastatingly handsome in the fine clothes he’d put on for the evening. “Y-you’re ready too? You – you look nice.” Her face warmed as she said it.

“… Yeah. Th-thanks.” Heat spread through him. “A-and… you… you look… you look… pretty.” It felt like his heart was in his throat as he spoke, and he wished he could disappear as soon as the last word had left his mouth.

“Ah! Th-th-thank you!” Ahiru’s eyes widened and she stared up at him in abject shock at having heard him say that word at _all_ , but especially to describe _her_. “It – it’s only cause Rue h-helped me by – by doing my hair and putting make-up on me, I don’t really look like this, tomorrow it’ll be back to the same plain old Ahiru you’re used to, ahahahaha…”

He wanted to tell her that “plain” was not a word he’d ever use to describe her. He wanted to say that she was always this beautiful, with or without being dressed up. He wanted to tell her that she was wonderful in every way. He wanted to confess his true feelings for her. But instead, he said “Well, it – it’s good you’re ready, the party is starting.”

“Really? I – I didn’t know that much time had passed!” She cast a nervous glance at Rue’s door. “Do – do you think she’s ready yet too, I don’t want her to be late cause she did my hair and stuff for me…”

“I’m sure it’s fine, she might already be there.” Fakir shrugged slightly. “She offered to do it for you, so don’t feel guilty. She wouldn’t want you to.”

“Yeah, I know.” Ahiru sighed. “Well, I guess we should get going, then…”

They walked downstairs together, each one surreptitiously stealing glances at the other from time to time and never noticing that they were being looked at. Ahiru couldn’t keep her eyes off Fakir, and she tried not to think about how those girls he was going to meet were sure to fawn over him. She couldn’t blame them, but she did envy them their freedom to be open about it, and wished she could be too. Fakir, likewise, was finding it hard not to look at Ahiru, and impossible to forget his realization that he loved her. He still didn’t know what he should do about it, or how he’d tell her even if he did ever think it was a good idea to do so.

Which, in his opinion, it wasn’t. Just loving someone didn’t automatically make you right for them, he knew that; and he also knew that he definitely wasn’t right for Ahiru. For all that she’d called him her best friend and clearly cared deeply about him, he just couldn’t see himself as being the type of person she would fall in love with. His personality was just all _wrong_ , for starters: a cheerier, more open person would be the type she’d go for, most likely. And that was _before_ what he’d done in the past even came into the equation. No, she deserved better, and someday she’d find it. He’d accepted that. It still hurt, of course, because he did want to be with her, but at the same time he could never resent her for finding happiness with someone else.

“ _There_ you two are!” Raetsel greeted them as they arrived at the ballroom doors. “I shouldn’t be leaving my own party, but I wanted to be sure I got to you when you arrived. You look lovely, Ahiru, and Fakir… oh my, you are going to be quite the popular young man tonight.” She winked and laughed.

“I-is Rue here yet?” Ahiru asked, her stomach starting to churn again.

“Oh yes, she arrived a few minutes ago, and I think she’s already got her own crowd of admirers, as I’m sure you will soon too.” Raetsel slid her arm through Fakir’s and began to lead him off. “Come now, I want you to meet those girls I mentioned before. Clara and Marie will be _so_ taken with you, and I’m sure you’ll take to them too…”

Ahiru trailed after them, still feeling queasy, and the sick feeling grew worse when she lost them in the crowd of people that filled the ballroom. She almost hoped she wouldn’t catch sight of them again, but as she wandered through in search of a familiar face, she saw Fakir being spoken to by two girls that looked to be around his age, both of them much prettier than she saw herself as being. Her heart sank and she turned away again, not wanting to see any more.

She continued to wander on her own, not sure if, in the mood she was in, she wanted to find someone to talk to or to be left alone. There was food laid out on a massive table along one wall, but she didn’t really feel up to eating and only nibbled at a few things from time to time, eventually giving up when it felt like she would be sick if she kept trying. She caught sight of Rue at one point, but she was indeed surrounded by a group of people clearly taken with her, and since she would’ve felt awkward about intruding she passed them by. Chrestomanci eventually found her and took her over to be introduced to Raetsel’s fiancé, Hans. He was pleasant enough, and he and Raetsel began to regale her with stories about how they’d met when she was living in London between trips to other worlds, and how he was now moving his work to Derkholm. It was more convenient for Raetsel’s commute to Chrestomanci Castle, and they both were tired of city life anyway, and Derkholm seemed a more suitable place in their opinion to eventually raise a family. Something horrible, like a great tidal wave full of writhing, nasty things, began to rise in Ahiru as they talked, and she was just beginning to panic as she tried to think of a way to escape when Mr. Katz showed up to loudly congratulate the two and pontificate on the wonders of marriage to everyone in earshot. At any other time it would’ve been funny, but right now it was a way for Ahiru to duck out unnoticed. And she needed that, she needed to get somewhere else where she could just breathe and try to calm down and chase away – or at least sort out – the anxiety surging through her.

Unbeknownst to her Fakir was also wandering alone through the crowd, looking for her. He’d managed some time ago to extricate himself from the girls Raetsel had insisted on introducing him to and ever since had been in search of the only person there that he really wanted to talk to, while trying to avoid those he didn’t. As he’d thought, they’d been nice enough, and pretty, and smart, but… they weren’t Ahiru. Talking to them didn’t make him feel the way he did when he was around her. They’d wanted to dance with him, but he’d declined and made his exit, and started trying to find Ahiru.

He spotted her standing near a window, apart from everyone else and watching couples dance. An ache grew in his heart as he thought about how wonderful it would’ve been to dance with her. He knew she didn’t know how, that she was so clumsy and uncoordinated that she likely would’ve trod all over his feet and bumped into him and done every step wrong. But it would’ve been worth every sore toe to be able to be so close to her, to hold her. He yearned so desperately for that, very nearly as much as he longed to kiss her. But he couldn’t do any of those things, so he forced himself to stop dwelling on them as he drew near to her.

She didn’t see him as he walked up beside her, not until he spoke to her. “Hey. There you are.”

“Huh? Oh… Fakir…” She blinked several times as what he’d said registered. “Were – were you looking for me?” She couldn’t imagine why.

“… Yeah. I don’t… really care for parties like this.” Fakir shifted. “It isn’t something I enjoy. I’d rather talk to someone I know than be among so many strangers.”

That made sense. Fakir was a private person who didn’t like crowds and preferred quieter settings with few people around. But, still… “It – it didn’t go well with – with those girls Raetsel introduced you to?” She wanted to be sympathetic, but at the same time she couldn’t help but be relieved, which sent shame wriggling all through her.

Fakir shrugged slightly. “They were nice enough, but I wasn’t interested.” He felt uncomfortably warm at having to talk about such things with her. Oh, _why_ had Raetsel put him in this position to begin with? Her good intentions didn’t make this any less mortifying. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Um, o-okay.” Ahiru’s heart sank as an unpleasant thought abruptly intruded: if he didn’t want to date _them_ , then it was even more unlikely that he’d be interested in _her_ , when she had even less to offer than they did. It was the opposite of reassuring.

Fakir frowned. “Hey – are you feeling all right? Do you want to go outside and get some fresh air?”

“I…” Ahiru paused to consider it. She hadn’t thought of doing so before, but as chilly as it was sure to be out there, it would be nice to escape, especially if Fakir went with her. “S-sure, y-yeah, that sounds good.”

“All right.” He started to reach for her hand, but didn’t. “Come on, this way.”

“Okay…”

She followed him out and down the hall a little ways to a set of double doors that led out to the garden. Nobody else was outside, but there were countless lanterns and torches that twinkled like stars among the hedges and trees and lent the night air a little warmth. She looked up, hoping to see the moon or a constellation, but the sky was completely obscured by the same clouds that had been steadily gathering all day. Despite the heat sources it was still pretty cold, and she shivered, but at the same time it felt kind of good after the heat of the ballroom.

“Do you feel any better?” Fakir asked her after a few minutes. He glanced over at her, and saw her shiver again. “You’re not too cold, are you?”

“N-no, I – I’m fine.” Ahiru shook her head. “I mean, it is cold, but it kinda feels nice cause it was getting kinda stuffy and hot inside…”

“Yeah.” Fakir moved to sit on a nearby bench, and Ahiru joined him. It was a small enough bench that they could feel each other’s body heat, so close were they sitting to one another, and they both blushed in the dim light. “Did you have fun?”

“I, um… I don’t know.” Ahiru bit her lip. “It was – it was kind of weird. I mean, I guess I’d be okay at a party where I knew more people, but I was on my own a lot and I didn’t really know anyone and… it was weird.”

“Yeah… I don’t know most of these people either.” Fakir shifted slightly. “They mostly seem to be friends and family of Raetsel’s fiancé, or friends of hers she met on her travels.”

“I got introduced to her fiancé.” Ahiru stared up at the clouds. “He seems nice. They were talking about how they met in London and now they’re moving to Derkholm.”

“I met him too. They seem happy together, which is good.” He glanced over at her. “She’s a distant cousin of mine and was like an older sister to me when she was studying here, so I’m glad to see her happy.”

“Were – were you sad when she left?” She realized now what had caused that overwhelming anxiety as she listened to Hans and Raetsel talk about their courtship and plans for the future. What they had, that – that was what was in store for Fakir someday, wasn’t it? He’d move out of the castle, work somewhere else and not come back for ages, and when he did he’d be engaged or married to someone else. It made her feel sadder and sicker than ever, and she couldn’t think why. Shouldn’t she be happy for him to be happy? She knew she would be, but…

“A little.” He shrugged slightly. “I knew it was what she wanted, though, and that she’d be back.”

“Oh, that’s true…” She took a deep breath and let it out. “I – I never really thought about it till today, the whole… I mean… um…” She dared a quick glance at him. “H-how much longer do you have until you finish your studies?”

“The rest of this school year, and the next,” Fakir said. “I’m done after that.”

“Oh.” Ahiru’s shoulders slumped a little. It wasn’t as bad as she’d feared earlier, but it still didn’t feel like enough time. “What, um… what do you think you’re going to d-do after that? I – I don’t think we’ve ever discussed that. A-are you going to go traveling around for years and stuff too, o-or move to London like Raetsel?”

Fakir shook his head. “No. That’s never held much interest for me.” It held even less now that Ahiru was here. “And my talents run in a particular direction anyway.”

“Oh?” A spark of hope flared up in her heart. “Wh-what direction?”

“Books. The way my magic works is well-suited to working with them, and it’s where my interest lies anyway. So after my training ends I’m going to take up work in the castle library, and later become the head librarian after old Mrs. Batson retires. So I’ll eventually be working for you.”

“R-really?” Ahiru’s eyes widened. “Wow, that – that really suits you…” Relief and joy flooded through her.  “S-so, you’ll be staying in the castle after you’re done…”

"Yeah, I’m not going anywhere. I might have to make some small trips from time to time, but only for a few days at most, nothing like what Raetsel’s been doing. You’re stuck with me forever, I’m afraid." He gave her that wry, lopsided little smile reserved for when they were alone together, and Ahiru’s heart turned over.

And she _knew_. The knowledge she’d been denying for some time now came crashing down on her in an instant, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “I – I –!” Her brain was jamming and she couldn’t think – she tried to latch onto what he’d just said as a way to hide what she was going through right now. “I – I don’t – don’t say it like that, I don’t think of it that way, I…” _I love you…_ "I don’t think of it that way at – at all, I’m – I’m glad you’re not leaving, and I’ll b-be happy to be able to work with you one day…"

Fakir frowned. What in the world was wrong _now_? Ahiru wasn’t acting at all like herself tonight, and it worried him. “Hey – what’s wrong? Are you –”

He never finished his sentence. The sky rumbled above them, and a split-second later sheets of icy rain began pouring down on their heads. Ahiru let out a half-shriek, half-quack, and bolted up from the bench. Fakir leapt up at the same time, and took off the fancy jacket he was wearing so he could cover their heads with it as they ran back towards the double doors and the warmth and shelter of the castle.

“Ah… I – I…” Ahiru’s teeth chattered as they stood shivering and dripping just inside the doors. “Wh-what… I didn’t know it was supposed to rain…”

“Neither did I.” Fakir sighed. “Well, in any case, we can’t go back to the party like this.” He looked over at Ahiru. Her dress was completely soaked through, and she had her arms wrapped around herself in a futile effort to keep warm. Despite his efforts to shield them both from the rain, her hair had gotten wet and her bangs were plastered to her forehead, her cowlick drooping like a bedraggled feather. It shouldn’t have been as cute as it was, but as usual Ahiru was impossibly adorable. “Come on – let’s go upstairs and get warmed up and dried off.”

“Y-yeah, th-that s-sounds good.” Ahiru glanced over at Fakir as they headed towards the stairs, and her jaw dropped at the sight of him. The white shirt he had on was soaking wet and clinging to him, and some of his hair had somehow come loose from the ribbon he’d tied it back with and hung damp and dripping around his rain-streaked face. Her mouth went dry and she felt a sudden surge of heat course through her body. “I – I – um… I just h-hope we won’t b-be missed…”

“I’m not worried about that.” He looked back at her. “You should take a bath – that’ll help warm you up.”

“I – I will, a-and you should too.” Ahiru immediately regretted saying such a thing, because it made her brain jump straight to thoughts of him taking off that wet shirt and getting into the tub, and she did _not_ need to think about that, not at all, not ever…! “I – I don’t want you to get sick or anything…”

“Don’t worry, I will.” Neither one spoke again for a while as they hurried up to the hallway where their rooms were, not until Ahiru was about to head past his and into hers. Fakir hesitated for a second and then gently caught her wrist. “Wait – Ahiru –”

“Wh-what?” She nearly jumped out of her skin at the contact, and hoped he would mistake her trembling for more shivering from the cold. “What is it?”

“Just a second…” Fakir let go of her and concentrated, and a moment later a steaming mug of tea appeared in his hand. “Here.” He gave her the tea, carefully wrapping her hands around it. “This will warm you up from the inside too. Be careful not to spill it,” he added, having noticed her hands shaking when he touched them.

“I – I will! Th-thank you!” Ahiru said gratefully. “An-and get yourself some too!”

“I will.” Fakir paused, and then gave her a small smile. “Goodnight, Ahiru.”

“G-goodnight, Fakir!” Ahiru inwardly cringed at how breathless she sounded – hopefully it would be easily passed off as her being out of breath from rushing up the stairs. She smiled back at him before turning and hurrying into her room, careful not to slosh the tea around. She drank it as she waited for the tub to fill up, trying valiantly all the while to not think any more about how Fakir had looked in that wet shirt.

As she sank into the bath for the second time that day, though, the adrenaline rush of having pelted back into the castle and up the stairs faded, and her thoughts returned to the epiphany she’d had in the garden when he’d smiled at her. It all made sense now, a horrible and painful kind of sense. How _stupid_ she’d been, how unimaginably stupid. It wasn’t a crush she had on Fakir, and it hadn’t been for a while now. She didn’t even know how long it had been well past that, but she knew it was. She wasn’t crushing on him. She was in love with him.

It really did make sense of so much. The way she’d been reacting to him, the fear and sadness she’d felt when she thought about the possibility of him leaving the castle and not coming back for years and years, the sick, awful discomfort at the prospect of him being set up with a girlfriend… it was like being slapped in the face with something she should’ve seen before but hadn’t.

She sat in the bath until the water started to turn lukewarm, only then reluctantly hauling herself out so she could dry herself off and remove her make-up. She cheated and used a bit of magic to dry her hair, as she just wanted to get into bed and knew better than to do so with soaking wet hair, especially on a night like this. She took off the pretty hair ornament and dried it too, and then took her hair down and carefully rebraided it after making sure there were no wet spots left. Once she was done she dragged herself back into her bedroom and put on a warm nightgown before flopping onto her bed and burying her face in her duck pillow.

"What am I going to do?" she said aloud, the words muffled by the pillow. No answer came, but then, she hadn’t expected one. She sighed and rolled over on her back, clutching the pillow to herself, and listened to the rain. It was coming down in earnest now, and the noise was so loud and sharp that she idly wondered if there was hail too. She didn’t care enough to go to her window and check, though; all she cared about at the moment was the revelation she was still reeling from.

Ahiru thought again about Fakir taking off that wet shirt and climbing into a hot bath. She thought about the way he smiled at her when no one else was around, the secrets and vulnerabilities in his heart that he’d revealed only to her. How he’d let her read his stories when he couldn’t even tell anyone else that they existed, and how good they were. She thought about how kind and caring he really was beneath the standoffish and somewhat prickly exterior, about the first time she’d seen him smile, the first time she’d heard him laugh, and how those things had let her discover, as though looking at him for the first time, how handsome he really was. She thought about how nice his hands were, how warm and safe she felt when he hugged her. She thought about how she’d touched his hair and kissed his cheek and fallen on top of him and he’d helped her up and held her hand and put his arm around her. She thought about all the memories they shared and the time they’d spent together and how close they’d become and how she reacted to so many things about him. She thought about how very much she loved him and how foolish she was not to have realized it before now. She closed her eyes and listened to the rain and thought about Fakir and this time didn’t try to fight off the tears.

When they finally calmed and dried up, she turned the lamp off and pulled the covers over herself. The rain was quieter now, less harsh-sounding, and would’ve been soothing if she were capable of being soothed right now. Still, she thought that between that and being drained from so much crying at the end of a day that had felt very long indeed that she would soon enough be able to sleep. But exhausted as she was she nevertheless found herself lying awake hour after hour, and when the first light of dawn crept through the curtains was no closer to answering her question.


End file.
